Relationships are all around us. We all have relationships with someone; be it spouse, parents, siblings, friends, business partners, co-workers, or even pets. Relationships are one of the keys to life. Just because you have a relationship, now, doesn't mean its a good one; and that is exactly what my next few blogs will focus on. IMPROVING relationships; I have come nowhere close to arriving; so am learning along with you and just hope to impart something that may help you in your journey. I will speak mostly to marriage, solely because I feel it is one of the most important and impactful relationships we will have in our lives. Also I think it is the relationship in society in need of the most work and improving (50%+ divorce rate?!).
Throughout the next few blogs I plan to cover some of the following areas of relationships: Attitude, 5 Love Languages, Encouragement, Love & Respect, and Personalities.
Today I am starting with Attitude. There are a few books I would like to mention/recommend if you are interested: The Difference Maker by John Maxwell and Attitude is Everything by Jeff Keller. In our marriages (this applies even if you aren't married but are perhaps in a long-time relationship or engaged or ever plan to be married!) we need to be a thermostat, not a thermometer. Hmm... funny concept isn't it? What I mean is that we need to choose to have a good attitude and set the attitude "temperature" for our homes. If your spouse walks in the door from a long, tiring and perhaps miserable day at work and you greet them with all the bad things that happened to you throughout the day you are not doing your job as a thermostat. Think for a second; a thermostat sets the temperature of the room and we have the choice of what temperature we want the room to be.
There are a few keys principles to implement in order to change your attitude to a positive one; therefore improving your marriage/relationship. Count your blessings - be thankful; choose not to complain - uplift; talk to yourself instead of listening to yourself - what you focus on expands.
"The secret to happiness is to count your blessings while others are adding up their troubles." - William Penn
I love this quote and feel it speaks loudly to the importance of positive thinking. When positive thinking occupies your mind there is no room for the negative - your attitude automatically is more positive. I encourage you to write a list of the ten things you are most thankful for in your spouse and then also in your entire life. Place this somewhere you will see it regularly to remind yourself when you are having a bad day that you have too many things to be thankful for to waste your time down in the dumps.
"You have two ears and one mouth - use them in proportion!" I often repeat this to myself when frustrated! I have a strong personality and am easily riled up so have had to learn to control my words in order to control my attitude. Perhaps by implementing this in your relationship you will create a more positive atmosphere where a stronger relationship can flourish. Now, on really bad days I strongly recommend saying one in 10 things you think. This works well because odds are VERY good that the other nine were not positive, encouraging or inspiring to anyone, including yourself! By choosing not to complain you are developing a unique habit of strength. It takes only 21 days to create a habit, why not start today?
This leads into the importance of talking to yourself instead of listening to your self (as my husband, Matt, always says and promotes!). Although when you first read this line it may sound a little silly; when you know the facts and reasoning behind it you will soon agree! Our conscious mind works on about 2000 neurons and our subconscious mind works on 4 billion neurons; see the significance in our subconscious!? So if you program your subconscious with positive thoughts it will promote positive outcomes in your attitude. This happens because our subconscious is unable to determine what is real and what we are just programming to become real. We all have those two little people inside our heads (you know, the angel & devil of cartoons - one on each shoulder). It is our choice to listen and believe the much quieter positive fellow, in time the positive will become louder than the negative.
By implementing these three small principles into your life you will start to see small improvements in your relationships. Now, remember change does not happen overnight; therefore you will have good and bad days on this journey to better your relationships. The important thing is to keep your eyes on the prize and persist through the bad days.
Keep Dreaming,
M
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