Moving to a New Blog

I would like to thank any of you who read this for having followed me thus far on my journey. I hope that I have provided you with some form or insight, inspiration, hope or even just entertainment.

I will continue my blogging journey, however have a new blog address for you to follow: www.melissadrover.wordpress.com. Please visit it to find my newest posts moving forward. Also don't forget to subscribe to getting emails with new updates on the new blog (right side bar at www.melissadrover.wordpress.com)!

Keep Dreaming,
M

A Dr. Seuss Outlook on LIFE!

Dr. Seuss, we all know of him. Some of us grew up on his books, while others raised children & grand children on his books. And personally, I will keep that going by imparting Dr. Seuss wisdoms on our child in the coming months.


Dr. Seuss wrote on vision, enthusiam, persistance, acceptance and being an individual. Yes he rhyms and its sounds so fun as we read, but I think there's more to it. My husband and I were having a chat about poetry the last couple nights; neither of us are poets nor do we read poetry but it came up somehow. Matt had been listening to Oliver DeMille who was teaching on the thinking you acquire through poetry. The example Matt gave me from Oliver DeMille. DeMille explained that we are taught to think literally today, not poetically. I know this is true for myself. That we don't look deeper for any other meaning besides literal that the author may be trying to portray in his/her writing.

So then I got to thinking (attempting this new poetic thinking) and realized Dr. Seuss is a perfect example everyone can relate to. And "tada", a new blog post is born!

Oh! The Places You'll Go is one of my favourites. Its so motivating, encouraging, but still "realistic" enough for the average person who has yet to acquire the ability to have a big vision and strong belief. If you read this entire story you will see where the importance of persistence comes in. It is very encouraging, but does give you the warnings of things you will run into; teaching that persistence will get you through these things and that you ARE the person it takes to make it happen.

Congratulations!
Today is your day.
You're off to Great Places!
You're off and away!

You have brains in your head.
You have feet in your shoes.
You can steer yourself any direction you choose.
You're on your own. And you know what you know. And YOU are the guy who'll decide where to go.

Yes, its a children's story, which is why I believe its overlooked for its true value. Children are fortunate to have the ability to dream, believe and envision a bright future. But maybe, Dr. Seuss knew that YOU and I - the parent/adult-reading to that child needed encouragement, vision and belief even more than that developing child. Are you maximizing this opportunity?!

"Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened." - Dr. Seuss

Here Dr. Seuss is teaching us to not get stuck in the past. Be positive and enthusiastic. Simple but very meaningful and valuable when put to good practice!

"The more that you read, the more things you will know. The more that you learn, the more places you'll go."- Dr. Seuss, I Can Read With My Eyes Shut!

Continuous learning is an important part of a successful life. Reading stretches our minds - and much like an elastic band it will then not go back to its previous form; meaning success will happen. The moment we stop learning is the moment we begin to age at a rapid pace! I don't know about you, but I will continue to read and stay young and alive in my heart & soul. A perfect real-life example of this in my life is my great-grandmother Jessie MacKinnon. She passed away in 2008 at the age of 94, of old age I should add. She was always reading, doing puzzles and stimulating her mind - which I believe 100% is the reason she lived a long, happy and fulfilled life.

"A person's a person, no matter how small."- Dr. Seuss, Horton Hears a Who!

This is the acceptance I spoke of. Sure, in the book Dr. Seuss literally means that the Whos in the little Whoville are people too. But invoke your poetic thinking as Oliver Demille describes and you will get the true meaning of this simple message from Dr. Seuss. Acceptance is important in today's society, everyone is entitled to their own beliefs, way of living and thinking. Who are we to judge people? Accept people where they are at in their life, you have no idea what is going on behind closed doors. As Amanda Marshall sings "Everybody's got a story that would break your heart!"

"Only you can control your future." - Dr. Seuss

You are in control of you life, take responsibility for it. As John Wooden writes: Never whine, Never Complain, Never makes excuses. To be successful (up to your own personal definition) you may never pass the buck. "The buck stops here" should be a sign you have posted on your desk. Passing blame is passing responsibility and ownership for your life and your future to someone else. Think about it next time you want to place blame - do you REALLY want THAT person responsibile for your future and your success?? No thank you!

And finally...

"Being crazy isn't enough." - Dr. Seuss

"Crazy" to the child you are reading to is being silly, funny and just wacked right out there in left field. Children find this funny and probably don't think much more of it. But I believe Dr. Seuss has a deeper meaning and message behind this small, silly and much overlooked quote. By "being crazy" what if he means just being different, being an individual. Thinking for yourself; perhaps even not following that herd of sheep (today's society) to the edge of the cliff (mediocrity). Instead "swim upstream." "If being crazy means living a life as if it matters, then I don't care if we are completely insane." - Unknown

Sure, you will be different; but ultimately what is your goal in life? To get to the "finish line" safely with time wasted infront of the TV, instead of out making a difference in someone's life? With time spent stuck inside for 8-10+ hours of the day at work, instead of investing that time in your family? I guess it comes down to asking yourself some hard questions. What if you knew you had two more weeks to live? Is/has your life panned out so far how you wanted/had hoped it would? No? Well are you willing to step up NOW and start making that right? There is nothing wrong with going against the grain, being average only gets you average results, and frankly, I don't know about you, but AVERAGE just isn't enough for this girl!

Again I repeat...

"Only you can control your future." - Dr. Seuss

Keep Dreaming,
M

LIFE Relationships - A Journey of Love, Support & Belief

"Friendship is a single soul dwelling in two bodies." - Aristotle

Recently I have been thinking a lot about the relationships and friendships in my life. Which I decided would be a suiting blog entry for you all to share in. I have a wide variety of friendships, as anyone does - my husband being my very best friend. Then there are those few friendships I have had for a long time - some more meaningful than others. Then the newly founded friendships over the past couple years - which ironically have become more meaningful; due in part I believe to knowledge and intentions. Then there are family friendships/relationships, which I have learned a lot about recently, as well - some are there with belief and support in everything you do, while others see it fit to "bad mouth" their own family. This is not to insult any of my long-time friends, any of my family or anything of the sort; regardless of where someone is at on their journey in relationships I have chosen to love an accept them - even if the feeling isn't mutual. This is simply an entry that maybe can help YOU with your current relationships and friendships, by learning through my experiences thus far.

"Intellectual growth should commence at birth and cease only at death." - Albert Einstein

First, the most important relationship in my life - my best friend, husband and soon-to-be new daddy to our baby, Matt. We have been married for just over two years now. We started out truly knowing nothing about marriage or maintaining a household together; to today where our marriage and relationship is something we both cherish deeply and grow in everyday. Don't get me wrong, we are far from perfect, but happiness is achieved when you are in pursuit! This has only been possible through both of us being willing to learn and grow together. We have both had to be there as the other fails and falls, affecting us both, to pick each other back up, dust off our butts, join hands and take the next step forward together. A few books that have helped me in understanding how to have a happy healthy relationship are: 5 Love Languages, Personality Plus and 5 Languages of Apology, among many, many others. I strongly recommend you read these books. They have a wealth of knowledge to offer in the area of relationships (and not just marriage, but friends and family relationships too!).

"If you step on a slug, you don't have a stronger slug, you have a mess on your shoe!"

This paraphrased quote has stuck in my head for the past two years and I strive to apply this in my marriage and relationships daily. Sure, it can be the easy way out to "step on" your spouse, friend, or parent/sibling because of something they have done that negatively affects you as well; but is this the kind of support you need when you make a bad decision? No. When you mess up you know what you've done, and you know it affects your loved ones too. The best thing you can do is apologize for it and strive to do better next time, right? If you are being stepped on do you really feel like they "deserve" an apology? No. Therefore you should strive not to "step on"  them when they mess up, too. What's that old saying... "An eye for an eye...."

The best things that these books have taught me are the differences we see in our spouses, friends or family in comparison to ourselves are normal. These books have helped me to understand why they act and react the way they do, which for the longest time before gaining this insight was nothing but frustrating to me. Not only do these books answer why they act this way, but they also provide insight into how you learn to deal and cater to the other person most effectively.

I have some friendships that are just "there." I call these people my friends, but don't necessarily have or work on having a relationship with them. Some I even feel like its a one-way street, you know what I mean if you have someone who just seems to pop in when they are in need of something; be it support, guidance, or an ear/shoulder. This is all well and good if they are a true friend who supports and believes in you; but its when you catch them "chittering" behind your back to others that you begin to question the relationships true value to you. Then I have friendships, some of them ladies I have met in the past two years; who would do anything for me. They will stand up for me and some would perhaps even take a bullet. Perhaps you have relationships like both of these kinds. What I have learned is that we cannot waste our time with and for people who are not willing to love, support and believe in us. There are enough critics we will face in this world without fostering a "friendship" with one. "Love 'em where they're at" and move on.

Families have a funny dynamic, or so I've learned. Parents usually are always very loving, supporting and belief-filled in their children - we are blessed this way. Most siblings offer the same level of love, support and belief as well. Calvin, my younger brother, has always been a prime example of a sibling filled with belief. On his belief alone I am sure I could conquer the world; he has the same belief in Matt; another blessing we experience. I have found it hard over the years when family members question things I pursue. Perhaps you have had the same experiences. Everyone will say they have your best interest at heart, and I am sure most do most of the time. It doesn't make it any easier to handle the words being said about you; so the best we can do it also "love 'em where they're at" and move on.

Understanding the personalities from Personality Plus has been helpful in this area as well. Not everyone is motivated to achieve and become better, and this doesn't make them a bad person. Everyone is entitled to their own beliefs. I pray that you are blessed enough to be surrounded by loving, supporting and believing family and friends. I hope that you will have the strength to let go of the relationships in your life that are pulling you down; not for selfish reasons, simply because the negativity is unhealthy.

Know that along your journey through this life that you will have cheerleaders and critics. But in the end it doesn't matter; what matters most is your personal choice to learn, grow and love throughout it all. Believe in yourself and do your best. Afterall, "The journey is the reward." - tao saying.

Keep Dreaming,
M

Encouragement - Medicine for the Heart & Soul (Relationship Series)

"Flatter me, and I may not believe you. Criticize me, and I may not like you. Ignore me, and I may not forgive you. Encourage me, and I will not forget you." - William Arthur Ward

I have chosen the next post for this series on relationships to be on Encouragement. This ties well into the second point given in my last post - choose not to complain - uplift.

The word "encourage" means to inspire with courage, spirit or confidence. Other words to describe "encourage" could be: approval, assistance, promote, urge, support, hearten and reassure to name a few. The word's history dates back to the 15th century with EN being to "make/put in" then CORAGE being "courage" as known today: the quality of mind/spirit that enables a person to face difficulty, danger or pain without fear; also known as bravery. (dictionary.com) So when torn apart as such and then pieced back together encourage essentially means to help someone become brave through your belief in them.

Can you think of a better person to encourage than your spouse/significant other? Hint: you should not have another suggestion, for if you do, perhaps this is the very reason your relationship may not be all you want it to be. I have recently heard a couple speakers, over the past holiday season, state that to be happy is to give happy to others. Have you ever noticed the feeling you get when you give someone an awesome gift and they love it so much? Notice how you are happier in those moments than you could be with any gift you receive. Well, as Florence Littauer states so perfectly, our words should be like little silver boxes with bows on top - being used only to edify, uplift and encourage; and never to put down others.

I am very blessed and fortunate to have a very encouraging husband (Matt). I know that he believes in me, loves me for who I am and accepts me even when I make mistakes. Mistakes, when you are married no longer become "your" mistakes, or shouldn't be viewed as such. When one fails the other should go down gracefully and uplift and encourage you both back up. The one who failed knows they have failed, they aren't stupid; so why kick them while they are down, because that only brings the entire relationship down with the failure. Instead by encouraging through the tough time you can assure your mate that it really doesn't matter what happened, you vowed to be there with and for them through it all - afterall, life IS the journey. Matt is amazing at this. I however, not so much; I'm still learning and growing.

"A word of encouragement during a failure is worth more than an hour of praise after success." - Unknown.

I have learned a few lessons in our two years of marriage so far; after attending seminars on leadership and personal development, reading multiple books, listening to audios and most importantly associating with ladies who have strong relationships with their husbands. Through some of this experience I have developed my own  four step process to learning to becoming more encouraging towards your spouse. As I have stated previously, I write these blogs in an effort to teach myself along the way; so I can assure you, you are not alone on this journey!

Step 1. Say Nothing Negative. We were given two ears and one mouth. Now you may have always wondered why, so here it is: Use them in that proportion! This is probably one of the most valuable things I have learned. As I stated in my last blog, say only a small portion of the things you think, especially if you are unsure if they are positive or negative! Do not say anything negative to your mate, or about your mate; either to them or to others. Every negative thing you say to your mate cancels about about 10 to 20 positive things you have previously said. So its your choice, you can say what you think and create work for yourself or you can "shut it" and truck along to higher grounds in the relationship field!

Step 2. Find Good. You married (or started dating) this person for a reason, likely quite a few really; especially considering you plan to spend the rest of your life with them. So there ARE some really great reasons you chose your mate; dive into your memory and heart and dig up those things. Remind your spouse of them regularly. Most importantly, do not wait for them to do something spectacular to praise and encourage them, find good in everyday things; ignore the bad (read Whale Done for encouragement on this!). Make your spouse feel you value and appreciate their work. But remember, it has to be genuine and sincere; for as the quote above states flattery is not believable. Try to identify great character qualities your spouse has as well as speaking highly of his/her deeds. I agree that sometimes it can be hard to think of things off the top of your head, or in the spur of the moment, etc. So here are some examples of the character qualities I value, respect and love in my husband (Matt). There are many, but here are a few that come to mind right away.

Matt is honest, loyal and devoted to himself, to me and to everyone. I respect his strength and persistence along with his vision and virtue. He is selfless, thoughtful and very intelligent. Matt has a very analytical mind and has an immense amount of patience that everyone should learn from! I respect his faith in himself, in me, in others and in knowing we are placed here to fulfill a bigger purpose. There are so many more reason I love and respect this man; I hope this helped to inspire you to find and remember all the amazing character qualities your spouse has, too!

Step 3. Edify in Public. Our society has become very corrupt in this area, and all for the means of a bit of entertainment (if you want to call it that). TV shows all portray relationships almost as living jokes. The wife makes fun of the husband in front of family and friends, etc. The husband talks low of the wife. Vicious circle spiraling into divorce. This is programming our minds to act the same way in our own relationships. My point here is we need to actively aspire to edify, uplift, speak well of, and encourage our mate to others. Not in a sense of bragging, but just speak the truth when the moment presents itself - whether your mate is present during the conversation or not you are making a lasting affect on your relationship. Believe what you say and say what you believe; what's more important to you anyways? A long, loving and lasting relationship with your spouse or 1-2 minutes of laughter from others at your spouse's expense - which creates even more damage in your relationship. Think long and hard the next time you want to tell that "funny story" about your spouse. Is it something you would enjoy them sharing about you in public?

"I can live for two months on a good compliment." - Mark Twain

Step 4. Continuous Learning & Growth. This one will take a bit more effort and searching on your part. Choose to read books that will lay a good foundation in your mind for a healthy relationship. Yes, I agree walking into Chapters or any other book store can be overwhelming when you have no idea where to start; so seek someone on the same or similar journey as you and ask for book recommendations. Any fool can write a book, and most do. But why would you take relationship advice from someone who has been divorced? Nothing against divorce, I understand in a very small number of circumstances it may be necessary, however its hogwash to think that the current 50%+ divorce rate is all necessary circumstances. So seek from someone with whom you would like to aspire to become more like. A few great books to start with include: 5 Love Languages, Personality Plus, Love & Respect, For Women Only, For Men Only, and a classic How to Win Friends and Influence People.

Your marriage or relationship is all that you have made it, so far. Yes perhaps your mate hasn't been contributing as much as he/she should be either. But you have two choices (you are an adult FYI); choose to start creating a more positive you by only speaking words of encouragement to your spouse; or continue with what you are doing and perhaps end up a statistic. I assure you once you start to encourage your spouse more regularly you will see a difference in your relationship; not overnight granted - all change takes time. So all the best for your journey, I am here for you!

Keep Dreaming,
M

Be a Thermostat - A Series on Relationships

Relationships are all around us. We all have relationships with someone; be it spouse, parents, siblings, friends, business partners, co-workers, or even pets. Relationships are one of the keys to life. Just because you have a relationship, now, doesn't mean its a good one; and that is exactly what my next few blogs will focus on. IMPROVING relationships; I have come nowhere close to arriving; so am learning along with you and just hope to impart something that may help you in your journey. I will speak mostly to marriage, solely because I feel it is one of the most important and impactful relationships we will have in our lives. Also I think it is the relationship in society in need of the most work and improving (50%+ divorce rate?!).

Throughout the next few blogs I plan to cover some of the following areas of relationships: Attitude, 5 Love Languages, Encouragement, Love & Respect, and Personalities.

Today I am starting with Attitude. There are a few books I would like to mention/recommend if you are interested: The Difference Maker by John Maxwell and Attitude is Everything by Jeff Keller. In our marriages (this applies even if you aren't married but are perhaps in a long-time relationship or engaged or ever plan to be married!) we need to be a thermostat, not a thermometer. Hmm... funny concept isn't it? What I mean is that we need to choose to have a good attitude and set the attitude "temperature" for our homes. If your spouse walks in the door from a long, tiring and perhaps miserable day at work and you greet them with all the bad things that happened to you throughout the day you are not doing your job as a thermostat. Think for a second; a thermostat sets the temperature of the room and we have the choice of what temperature we want the room to be.

There are a few keys principles to implement in order to change your attitude to a positive one; therefore improving your marriage/relationship. Count your blessings - be thankful; choose not to complain - uplift; talk to yourself instead of listening to yourself - what you focus on expands.

"The secret to happiness is to count your blessings while others are adding up their troubles." - William Penn

I love this quote and feel it speaks loudly to the importance of positive thinking. When positive thinking occupies your mind there is no room for the negative - your attitude automatically is more positive. I encourage you to write a list of the ten things you are most thankful for in your spouse and then also in your entire life. Place this somewhere you will see it regularly to remind yourself when you are having a bad day that you have too many things to be thankful for to waste your time down in the dumps.

"You have two ears and one mouth - use them in proportion!" I often repeat this to myself when frustrated! I have a strong personality and am easily riled up so have had to learn to control my words in order to control my attitude. Perhaps by implementing this in your relationship you will create a more positive atmosphere where a stronger relationship can flourish. Now, on really bad days I strongly recommend saying one in 10 things you think. This works well because odds are VERY good that the other nine were not positive, encouraging or inspiring to anyone, including yourself! By choosing not to complain you are developing a unique habit of strength. It takes only 21 days to create a habit, why not start today?

This leads into the importance of talking to yourself instead of listening to your self (as my husband, Matt, always says and promotes!). Although when you first read this line it may sound a little silly; when you know the facts and reasoning behind it you will soon agree! Our conscious mind works on about 2000 neurons and our subconscious mind works on 4 billion neurons; see the significance in our subconscious!? So if you program your subconscious with positive thoughts it will promote positive outcomes in your attitude. This happens because our subconscious is unable to determine what is real and what we are just programming to become real. We all have those two little people inside our heads (you know, the angel & devil of cartoons - one on each shoulder). It is our choice to listen and believe the much quieter positive fellow, in time the positive will become louder than the negative.

By implementing these three small principles into your life you will start to see small improvements in your relationships. Now, remember change does not happen overnight; therefore you will have good and bad days on this journey to better your relationships. The important thing is to keep your eyes on the prize and persist through the bad days.

Keep Dreaming,
M