LIFE Relationships - A Journey of Love, Support & Belief

"Friendship is a single soul dwelling in two bodies." - Aristotle

Recently I have been thinking a lot about the relationships and friendships in my life. Which I decided would be a suiting blog entry for you all to share in. I have a wide variety of friendships, as anyone does - my husband being my very best friend. Then there are those few friendships I have had for a long time - some more meaningful than others. Then the newly founded friendships over the past couple years - which ironically have become more meaningful; due in part I believe to knowledge and intentions. Then there are family friendships/relationships, which I have learned a lot about recently, as well - some are there with belief and support in everything you do, while others see it fit to "bad mouth" their own family. This is not to insult any of my long-time friends, any of my family or anything of the sort; regardless of where someone is at on their journey in relationships I have chosen to love an accept them - even if the feeling isn't mutual. This is simply an entry that maybe can help YOU with your current relationships and friendships, by learning through my experiences thus far.

"Intellectual growth should commence at birth and cease only at death." - Albert Einstein

First, the most important relationship in my life - my best friend, husband and soon-to-be new daddy to our baby, Matt. We have been married for just over two years now. We started out truly knowing nothing about marriage or maintaining a household together; to today where our marriage and relationship is something we both cherish deeply and grow in everyday. Don't get me wrong, we are far from perfect, but happiness is achieved when you are in pursuit! This has only been possible through both of us being willing to learn and grow together. We have both had to be there as the other fails and falls, affecting us both, to pick each other back up, dust off our butts, join hands and take the next step forward together. A few books that have helped me in understanding how to have a happy healthy relationship are: 5 Love Languages, Personality Plus and 5 Languages of Apology, among many, many others. I strongly recommend you read these books. They have a wealth of knowledge to offer in the area of relationships (and not just marriage, but friends and family relationships too!).

"If you step on a slug, you don't have a stronger slug, you have a mess on your shoe!"

This paraphrased quote has stuck in my head for the past two years and I strive to apply this in my marriage and relationships daily. Sure, it can be the easy way out to "step on" your spouse, friend, or parent/sibling because of something they have done that negatively affects you as well; but is this the kind of support you need when you make a bad decision? No. When you mess up you know what you've done, and you know it affects your loved ones too. The best thing you can do is apologize for it and strive to do better next time, right? If you are being stepped on do you really feel like they "deserve" an apology? No. Therefore you should strive not to "step on"  them when they mess up, too. What's that old saying... "An eye for an eye...."

The best things that these books have taught me are the differences we see in our spouses, friends or family in comparison to ourselves are normal. These books have helped me to understand why they act and react the way they do, which for the longest time before gaining this insight was nothing but frustrating to me. Not only do these books answer why they act this way, but they also provide insight into how you learn to deal and cater to the other person most effectively.

I have some friendships that are just "there." I call these people my friends, but don't necessarily have or work on having a relationship with them. Some I even feel like its a one-way street, you know what I mean if you have someone who just seems to pop in when they are in need of something; be it support, guidance, or an ear/shoulder. This is all well and good if they are a true friend who supports and believes in you; but its when you catch them "chittering" behind your back to others that you begin to question the relationships true value to you. Then I have friendships, some of them ladies I have met in the past two years; who would do anything for me. They will stand up for me and some would perhaps even take a bullet. Perhaps you have relationships like both of these kinds. What I have learned is that we cannot waste our time with and for people who are not willing to love, support and believe in us. There are enough critics we will face in this world without fostering a "friendship" with one. "Love 'em where they're at" and move on.

Families have a funny dynamic, or so I've learned. Parents usually are always very loving, supporting and belief-filled in their children - we are blessed this way. Most siblings offer the same level of love, support and belief as well. Calvin, my younger brother, has always been a prime example of a sibling filled with belief. On his belief alone I am sure I could conquer the world; he has the same belief in Matt; another blessing we experience. I have found it hard over the years when family members question things I pursue. Perhaps you have had the same experiences. Everyone will say they have your best interest at heart, and I am sure most do most of the time. It doesn't make it any easier to handle the words being said about you; so the best we can do it also "love 'em where they're at" and move on.

Understanding the personalities from Personality Plus has been helpful in this area as well. Not everyone is motivated to achieve and become better, and this doesn't make them a bad person. Everyone is entitled to their own beliefs. I pray that you are blessed enough to be surrounded by loving, supporting and believing family and friends. I hope that you will have the strength to let go of the relationships in your life that are pulling you down; not for selfish reasons, simply because the negativity is unhealthy.

Know that along your journey through this life that you will have cheerleaders and critics. But in the end it doesn't matter; what matters most is your personal choice to learn, grow and love throughout it all. Believe in yourself and do your best. Afterall, "The journey is the reward." - tao saying.

Keep Dreaming,
M