Blast From the Past - On Relationships...

You have so many relationships in this life
Only one or two will last
You go through all this pain and strife
Then you turn your back and they're gone so fast
And they're gone so fast
So hold on to the ones who really care
In the end they'll be the only ones there
When you get old and start losing your hair
Can you tell me who will still care?
Can you tell me who will still care?

- Hanson (MmmBop)

Who would have thought that such thought-provoking words would be sung by three long-haired brothers in their early teens in the late 90's? I was madly in love with these boys, as was my best friend. We were barely in our teens but were sure that we would both trot off to the "Middle of Nowhere" and marry two of the three of these boys... Thank God we grew out of that! 

However, now after I am older and "wiser" I pulled out that bright orange CD after all these years and reminisced about the days of sitting in my bedroom listening to these songs over and over again and dreaming, really and truly dreaming. However, today I really listened to the words and was caught by the first verse of an all-time favourite "MmmBop" (above). I truly believe relationships are the key to everything in life. Having a bad day? Well, if we have an amazing relationship with someone...anyone really, odds are they are going to be able to cheer us up. Not as successful as we would like to be? (You define what "success" means to you) Odds are, we could strengthen a relationship with someone and things would start to come together better and we would be on our way to the success we have been dreaming of.

A few suggested books on the "subject" (to be extremely vague) include: 5 Love Languages, Personality Plus, How to Win Friends and Influence People, How I Raised Myself From Failure to Success in Selling, Grown-Up Girlfriends...the list goes on and on and on.

There will always be trials and tribulations in our relationships; be it with a spouse, parent, sibling, friend or business partner. There is no way to avoid them in when they spring up, and the only way to avoid conflict is to be courageous enough to step up and face a problem before it becomes a trial or tribulation. Courage is not easy to use, but it will save some of the most important relationships in our lives...should we choose to use it.

"Plant a seed, plant a flower, plant a rose

You can plant any one of those

Keep planting to find out which one grows

It's a secret no one knows"

Another verse that also speaks loudly. Sure if you are a gardener this is also true; however applied to relationships very profound. We truly do not know who will be there for us until we stop, take a look around and realize who really does care. Unfortunately in today's society we wait until things are bad and we are crying for help or support to find out who are the ones that really care. My suggestion is to stop, yes it will be hard, I know you are "busy" but trust me it will be worth it; stop, take that look around now, evaluate who has always been standing by your side when you needed it most. Now, are you giving them and the relationship with them the time, dedication, and love it deserves? No? Perhaps its time we pick up one of the books mentioned above and apply them to our lives. All the best on this journey, you are in for a bumpy old dirt road.


Remember its.. Dream - STRUGGLE - Victory!


Keep Dreaming,
M

Fruit On the Tree

If you are hungry in an orchard do you eat off the tree with nothing but some leaves, twigs and branches or do you find a tree with the best fruit to eat from? Learning and excelling in life should be treated similarly - find a mentor.

Having a "mentor" in today's society has become over-rated to 95% (or more) of the population. However, it can be guaranteed that those who have experienced and are experiencing success in life have acquired knowledge and advice from someone at some point throughout their journey.  It's safe to say that 50 years ago a high majority of individuals had some form of a mentor, more so than today. Some people were a protégé to a skilful master, learning a skill or trade from that of which they called their mentor; while others were friends, family or acquaintances who were striving to learn from the more experienced neighbour they looked up to, but maybe did not officially call them a mentor. A mentor should be held in high esteem. 

Today may be the day that a mentor is needed in our lives more than ever. After all, these are the times when "we have taller buildings, but shorter tempers; wider freeways, but narrower viewpoints; we spend more, but have less; we buy more, but enjoy it less." (Dalai Lama) A mentor has stepped through many minefields, and perhaps even lost a sacred baby-toe or two. Should we wish to keep all our toes (and other important appendages), we must actively seek a mentor. From what I have learned in my journey thus far, I highly suggest finding someone a bit older or wiser or more experienced than ourselves. That's not to say they must be all or any of these, however, strive to find someone with the "fruit on the tree" that you wish to have on your own tree (aka. in your life). We need not go out and pay someone to be our mentor, or at least we shouldn't have to. An older friend, family acquaintance or business partner should be of like mind in mentorship to want to stretch their own minds and offer their wisdom to a next generation. After all, if they don't share it what else are they going to do with it? I do not believe hibernation calls for hoarding wisdom for dumber days.... however, to each their own!

The Dalai Lama gave us the perfect reason that we all need to find a mentor. What have our lives come to when "we have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often. We've learned how to make a living, but not a life; we've added years to life, not life to years." A mentor will be able to offer advice and wisdom in all areas of life; relationships being key, as they are the center to life in general. Perhaps for some, a mentor may start out as opening a personal development book; after all, the author did dedicate multiple years and an insurmountable volume of wisdom which they have acquired in real-life experiences and now offer to us for a measly $20. What else of this value can we actually invest $20 and get the kind of return on investment of a better relationship with our spouse, a sibling or a long-time friend; a strengthened faith; more knowledge in the business world; better finances; a healthier lifestyle; or even just the feeling of striving for the best? 

Maybe mentorship will start for you with an older sibling, new found friend or respected individual in your community. Where we choose to get our mentorship is not as important as ensuring we have some form of positive mentorship. Without mentorship in life we cannot be certain of the direction we should be heading. Perhaps we have arrived at a fork in the road and really can't decide which is best for us: left or right? A mentor has the ability to see the bigger picture, including our vision and desired destination, and can offer guidance to us on our journey. A mentor also has the ability to provide invaluable wisdom, they can identify that if we veer a tad to the right we will get back on course and head to our destination much quicker and with less "mountains" to climb along the way. 

Now, don't judge like I did and have your first impression be that having a mentor is just providing "the easy way out," because rest assured, there will be a multitude of courageous conversations between you and your mentor while a relationship of trust is built, as a strong foundation for the journey. After all, you will have to submit (for lack of a better word) to your mentor's vision once a trustful foundation is established and be confident in their advice, which will be hard to take at times. No one likes to have their faults pointed out, but if we are truly on a journey to living intentionally for excellence we have established there is change to be made within ourselves; and who better to identify and quicken the process than an experienced "minefield" survivor like a mentor.

Keep Dreaming,

M

Keep Your Coins, I Want Change

"Change is inevitable, but growth is optional" - Laurie Woodward

We can be assured we will experience various changes throughout our lives; it's up to us whether we choose to learn and grow, or resist in our attempt to maintain status quo. However, when we stop and take a look around, there is definitely at least one thing we could get better at. Maybe it’s being a better friend, maybe it’s being a better wife or mom (or husband or father), maybe it’s committing to better health, maybe its learning to relax a little more, worry less and enjoy the ride. No matter where we are in our journey, we can always get better. This is not to say that where we are right now is not good; it’s just to say we have the opportunity to embrace a journey to excellence - should we choose to accept.

Dr. Anthony Campolo completed a survey with fifty people over the age of 95; one question that was asked was as follows: "If you could live your life over again, what would you do differently?" There were three common answers that we should acknowledge and accept as advice from the minefield of life, (take note they did not wish they had made more money!) these were:

- If I had to do it over again, I would reflect more.

- If I had to do it over again, I would risk more.

- If I had to do it over again, I would do more things that would live on after I am dead.

Personally, when I am 95 years old, with a very wrinkly pink VW Beetle tattoo I should add, I want to be proud of the life I have lived to that point. Sure I will have an abundance of advice to pass on, from mistakes made and lessons learned, however I do not want to have any desires as strong as those stated above, running through my mind when presented with this question. Kudos to these surveyees for their courage and honesty!

To reflect can be defined as to "think about." And if you have ever read a book (or even a chapter) by Dale Carnegie, John C. Maxwell, David Schwartz, Robert Kiyosaki or many other amazing authors on the topic of life, faith, success, people, leadership or business, you know the key to everything is the way you think, what you think and how you train yourself to think each day. Now, maybe we can appreciate the significance of the subtle advice from our elders and learn to reflect more, after all these days are the journey; why race to the destination? Have fun and don't take yourself too seriously - as they say - you will never make it out alive.

Risk has become a four letter word in today's society (pun intended). No one is up for "taking a chance." Everyone hunts for that safe and secure job, car, home, friend, everything. Don't get me wrong, safety is of high importance; however a false sense of security is not. For example, the days of pensions taking care of us in our golden years are over. A smaller generation cannot possibly fund a pension for a larger retiring generation. Pensions were created for the Baby-Boomers and that is who will see them. We have all followed the fallacy of go to school, get good grades, get a good job, keep your nose clean and work until you are 65, then retire on the beaches of Florida with golf club in hand (you might as well run on the beach in the soft waves holding hands in the sunset too, while you're at it!). This worked great in the Industrial Age for the Baby-Boomers. We have entered the Information Age, things are different here. No longer do you "need money to make money." So, we need to step up and choose a risk that has a possibility for betterment in our lives, because rest assured, we are jeopardizing more by not risking than we ever could by "taking a chance." Everyone will do the work of a millionaire from the neck down. Why not take a risk, and work on personal growth from the neck up! What do you have to lose?

To do more things that live on after one has passed may sound like a very heavy undertaking. However, perhaps it is helping someone in need close by or far from home, maybe it is developing as a leader within the community, workplace, church, country or even family; creating a following and respect that is unheard of these days, and will last a lifetime. To me this is the "Make a Difference" in life, you choose where your "difference" will focus. Don't be left with regrets wishing you made a bigger impact.

Personal weaknesses are hard to admit. It can be easy to pass judgement on others’ faults without even thinking twice, but this is not effective living. We will have to be courageous enough to identify an area to work on personally. We can look to many areas for something we need to change and improve. However, relationships are the root to life and if we don’t have strong, loving and respectful relationships with those closest to us we can be certain problems will arise. The first step is identifying a relationship in our life that needs work then seek education. (Such as Five Love Languages, Love & Respect, Grown-Up Girlfriends or Wild at Heart; and countless others.) We cannot just read one of these books and place a check mark in the box, we have to apply the contents; this may be the most courageous thing you will ever do. But the “Slight Edge” effect will last a lifetime.

Keep Dreaming,

M